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Stories about SEX in the PHILIPPINES with HOOKERS

4."Mincing Machine " by Papa-san.

A number of 'motorbike' stories follow.

The one regarding Stefan would be unbelievable were it told to me by a person other than Mick , who has been a friend of mine for about 16 years now. He is the type to get himself into unusual situations. Game , got balls , not scared of anyone or any situation. I have found him particularly reliable and someone you can go to if you need help.

Consequently , hard as it is to believe , I believe the following story actually happened. Especially when you add to the mix the Philippines and what I have observed in 28 years of going to and fro from that country.

The Stefan/Mincing Machine story sounds fanciful, but I believe it did happen.

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Many a foreigner has come unstuck riding motorbikes in the Philippines.

I know of four stories, two in temporary incapacitation only, the other two in deaths.

All of them had accidents in a similar way.

Both deaths were young northern European lads.

The first one and the son of wealthy parents in Europe , owned a go-go bar in Cebu City and a most powerful motorbike.

He was returning home from Lapu Lapu in the early hours one morning with his girl friend riding pillion and passing over Mactan Bridge at great speed when he ran into a stationery Jeepney with no lights on. The go-go owner died instantly but the girl survive.

Another accident involved a guy called Danny.

He was the subject of another story , and the one who was framed in Ermita and who had to hand over a P50,000 bribe to keep out of jail. A great talker, especially when sitting at a bar.

Danny called himself the ’Nightrider’ and often duelled with other motorcyclists weaving in and out of traffic to gain an advantage and reach the next set of traffic lights first.

As usual, one night in Cebu City he drank too much and tried to make his way home on his off road motorbike and in the process ran into yet another immobilised Jeepney parked in the middle of the road without any lights on.

During this accident he bit off part of his tongue. Maybe he was cursing the owner of the Jeepney as he flew through the air ? : ) Takes a lot to stop him talking.

Danny , without the ability to talk properly would be a sad sight to see. Fortunately he had the piece of tongue sewn back on and was able to continue entertaining us at the various bars around Cebu City.

Mick the young lad who arrived in the Philippines at the age of seventeen years and otherwise referred to as ’cats eyes’ by the adoring girls of Cebu City also came unstuck in a most undignified way one evening returning home on his off road bike terribly drunk and with wife and baby on board at the time.

He slammed into something, not sure what, but everybody came off.

Mick picked himself up , kick started the bike and off home minus wife and baby.

Next morning when he woke up, he realised something was wrong when his wife and kid were not in the house. The Hospital rang and informed him his wife and kid had been admitted following an accident. Needless to say he was not too popular with his ever vocal wife when he fronted the Hospital.

As no one was seriously injured ,I find that incident rather amusing. A guy so drunk ,gets up and leaves his wife and baby on the road to fend for themselves.

Another one, not at all amusing ,was told to me by Mick himself.

To appreciate the feasibility of the story you would have to understand that Mick was fluent in the two major Filipino languages, Tagalog and Cebuano plus, cause he had stayed uninterrupted in the Philippines for fifteen odd years , he knew the people and their ways just like a native of the country. Add to that Mick is full of self confidence and not backward in coming forward.

He has helped a tonne of foreigners out of sticky situations cause of his knowledge of the language, people and how the Philippines works. Someone worth knowing in the Philippines.

He’s a ’no fear’ lad, and will try anything.

Mick told me how a young Northern European guy , who we will call Stefan , was tearing home on his off road bike, in the fashion of the local natives - no helmet and no lights on , when he came upon a truck also with no lights on ,reversing back towards Stefan.

Unfortunately Stefan was out of his mind at the time with alcohol. This didn’t help him identify the existence of a truck ahead or the fact that it was reversing back towards him. Poor Stefan, in the prime of his life ,slammed straight into the truck, head pulverised and so died instantly.

Enter Mick , ever the friend of the foreigner in a fix.

Mick arranged for Stefans body to be taken to the Morgue , located in Palaez Street, downtown Cebu City. You should pay a visit to this edifice it is a really strange and wierd looking place.

Mick contacted Stefans parents overseas and informed them of their sons demise and asked whether or not they wanted his body cremated. No, they wanted his body preserved until his brother had time to arrive in the Philippines and pay his respects.

So, Mick needed some money to have Stefan made to look respectable, after such a horrific accident and also to keep his body in good condition until the brother arrived. Even though its the Philippines, this kind of work costs real money, so Micks imagination began working overtime. He asked around the scene of the accident and located the Chinese owner of the truck and requested he pay compensation. This would at least pay for funeral costs.

The Chinaman offered P16,000 but as Mick pointed out to me, that is the price of a Caribou and the standard Insurance payout when an unknown Filipino bites the dust. Mick needed more than that to pay for the Mortuary and cost of Stefans brother flying out.

The Chinaman stood his ground and offered no more so Mick, inspirational , confident as he is and knowing how the Philippines works, dashed off to the nearby Army base in Jones Avenue, talked to a Senior Army Officer contact of his at the base and recruited a couple of dozen soldiers in full battle gear, armed to the teeth , army truck and all and headed for the Chinamans house for a second time.

Mick offered the soldiers and their Officer in charge all the money over P30,000 that he raised. So the incentive was there.

On arrival , at China’s house Mick requested the Officer in Charge to get his men to surround the Chinamans house and take a menacing stance, to which they did, ever mindful of a handsome tip in the offing.

Mick tapped on the door, chinaman stepped out, saw the soldiers and took Mick inside for discussions. Mick exited the house with P60,000. Fortunately Chinese are great ones for ’money under the carpet’. The Army were happy with their take , and Mick happy that he had enough to tidy up Stefan for his brother to view and then cremation.

Stefans brother , who we will call Edberg , arrived and viewed his brother at the crematorium.

Mick said that in the process of tidying Stefan and preserving him, they had puffed him up somewhat. The puffing up plus his height made it difficult to squeeze him into the Filipino sized oven as Mick and Edberg took up a seat opposite to wait for the ashes to take home to Mum and Dad.

Mick, always on the ball, had a kid run out and bring back a case of cold beer to consume whilst Edberg watched his brother become part of the ’ash to ashes’ cycle of life.

They finished the beer but still no ashes forthcoming. Mick looked in a peep hole and could see that Stefan was just a molten lump. Obviously there was not enough heat to do the job. Mick complained about the delay ,and so guess what they did, right there in front of brother Edberg.

They slid Stefan out of the oven , dumped him in a 44 gallon drum of cold water, then when he had cooled , pulled him out and ground him through a giant mincer crushing bones and body alike, then placed what was left of him in the oven for burning again.

Mick is pretty tough, but I don’t know how Stefans brother Edberg survived that without throwing up.

Eventually the ashes were delivered to Edberg. At least he had something to take home to his parents. Doubt if he told them what he went through to get those ashes.

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With about seventy million people, most in poverty, life is cheap in the Philippines.

I remember one boating tragedy where over three hundred bodies were left floating in the water for the sharks to devour. An Englishman nicknamed ’Tugboat Captain’ passed through the area of the tragedy at the time , and radioed back to Manila for instructions as what to do about the bodies. "Carry on, don’t pick up any bodies" were the instructions he received from his boss.

Life is a game of survival. Take care out there.

Photo , of the Crematorium in Pelaez Street follows..................

Cosmopolitan Funeral Parlor, Pelaez St, Cebu City. Resting place for Stefan. Alcohol and Motorbikes , do not mix.

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Readers - how about sending in YOUR story ! .............. Tanks...............T